Sunday, November 28, 2010

Long distance relationships - a boy's perspective

Girls are strange and when emotionally provoked, they can behave even more strangely. They are seldom searching for solutions to their problems. More often than not, they are searching for a shoulder to cry on rather than an advise about how to solve their problems. The minds of boys on the other hand, run on a single track i.e. finding the optimal solution to every problem. Whenever a girl is crying about something and you try to solve the problem, you will realize that that is not what she expects. That's why its said that a girl is a girl's best friend. A girl can be all ears to other girl's problems and sympathize with her without actually thinking about the solution (something which girls expect boys to do).

Things are simple when you are in the same college (or can meet once a day or so). In such a situation, you may not be all ears to her problems but your physical presence is enough to comfort her. The touch of your hand on her shoulders makes her feel that someone is there for her. And, you can almost always provide a shoulder to cry on. The real complication comes when you have to maintain a long distance relationship. In a long distance relationship, you cannot provide her comfort with your physical presence. All that is left at your disposal is internet and mobile phone. Plus some extra factors like possessiveness pitch in. Now its not like boys are not possessive when they live next to their girl but the possessiveness takes a whole new meaning once they are in a long distance relationship.

Knowing that long distance relationship has not worked for many of your friends makes you even more uncomfortable. The fear of losing the loved one amplifies by powers of ten (<>0). All objectivity is over-shadowed by this fear. There is a strong interplay between objectivity and possessiveness. If you are not objective in multiple cases, the chances of losing your loved one increase but possessiveness is inbuilt and there is little you can do about it. The lesser objective you become, the more you know that you are about to lose her and your possessiveness increases; its a vicious cycle.

So whats the solution. To begin with, its good to be friends with all of your girlfriend's friends (and vice versa). Believe me on this, it is in-built in boys that they can identify other boys' motives just by talking to them for some time and watching how they behave (same may be true vice-versa). This first meeting itself will let you know the kind of company she is keeping. You can discuss with her on the levels of openness she can exercise with each of her friends (and vice versa). This makes the boy feel that he has the situation under control and will definitely reduce the incidents of irrational behavior (due to possessiveness). Also, whenever you have a fight, you can request her friends to give her some comfort by talking to her and helping her understand your perspective (or letting you understand her perspective). Giving each other proper time on a weekly basis is another factor which works for the relationship. No matter how busy you are, its always a good idea to block some time for your gf / bf in a week. It is also not a bad idea to let your bf/gf know about any parties etc you are attending. Nobody is going to stop you from attending those parties (think rationally, a person sitting miles above cannot stop you) but this gives your partner a feeling of control at no cost :). All these are very simple things and can greatly help in a long distance relationship. Afterall, a long distance relationship is all about faith in your partner and all these steps greatly help in increasing faith in each other and faith in relationship.

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